Never been more scared in my life.

The original plan was:

1. Me and Liz drink Sparks at Chief Ike's.
2. Meet Matt at 80s nite and let the yummiest orange flavored creation of all time take over our bodies.

Instead, the actual events of last nite took over our minds.

Liz texted me at 8:00: "There's a zombie marathon just starting on IFC. Grab the Sparks and let's kick it." So, I finished getting ready for the evening, which involved cooking a dinner that tasted like shit and then throwing it out and eating nothing. I figured that was okay, because then I wouldn't have to spend too much money on drinks. I stopped by the Super Save Market to pick up Sparks, but as it turns out, the Super Save no longer carries them, so I picked up some High Life and headed over to Liz's.

When I arrived the front door was locked, so I knocked loudly, knowing that she was watching Romero's Dawn of the Dead, I figured I would try and give her a little scare. Liz came to unlock the door for me, I pretended that I was a zombie and pressed my face against the glass pane and tried to walk into the door as she was opening it. I got some good screams out of her, as she attested that she had been screaming a lot since she started watching the movie. I sat down and joined in on the zombie fun.

70's zombie movies effing rule. The blood is red paint, it's very cool. (*Ed note: Much of the fake blood used in the blood packets was a mixture of food coloring, peanut butter and cane sugar syrup.*) There really were no big screams from me during the remainder of the film. Just a lot of, "ah, look at that zombie, he still has his baseball glove on" or "there is a zombie nun" or "why is that zombie bluer than the others?" In the end, the zombies take over the mall and Liz and I started preparing our zombie plan.

The zombie plan has to be similar to our global warming catastrophe plan (this plan of action is headed up by Ms. Ivy, since she is our environmental guru, and was constructed while watching The Day After Tomorrow.) We haven't worked out the nitty gritty details yet, but last nite, we decided that rule number one has to be that we cannot be stoned when the zombies attack. If this happens we are dead because we will not think rationally.

Following Dawn of the Dead, IFC was showing a behind the scenes of Land of the Dead, but we didn't want to ruin the scary parts before we see the movie, so we landed on the beginning of Taking Lives. Ethan and Angelina, you can't really beat that on a Thursday nite. This movie scared the fucking shit out of us. It was really suspenseful and illicted a HUGE blood curdling scream from both of us, within the first 30 minutes.

While trying to figure out why Angelina was able to go down into secret hidden dark basements alone, I thought I heard a knock at the front door. So, I shouted "hello" out the open window. There was no answer, so we continued to watch. Then I heard movement and saw the shadow of a man peeping through the shade of the other window. I whispered to Liz and she said that she saw it too. We tried to chill out as Angelina laid down on the dirty basement cot, but just as she did, an arm reached through the bed and grabbed her and someone knocked on Liz's door lounder. At this point, we both lost our shit and started screaming at the top of our lungs. We bolted for the kitchen, me with beer and cellphone in hand, spilling beer all over the couch, floor, everywhere as we ran. Once we got to the kitchen I grabbed a knife and went into the pantry closet and started to call Matt. Liz told me that I needed to back her up while she went to peek at the front door. She said that someone was there and that they were definitely trying to fuck with us. At this point, I started crying because Matt wasn't answering his phone and I was trying to find an escape route. Liz went to peek again at the door and discovered that it was the pizza guy. Rob had ordered a pizza on his way home from band practice and he wasn't home yet, so we weren't expecting the knocking. Liz went to unlock the door for the pizza guy and he asked us if we were okay. (NO WERE ARE NOT OKAY, YOU JUST SCARED THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF US.)

To wrap up, we were fine, kind of shaken, but alive. The movie was really good.

This was a great test run of the zombie plan. We now know that I am good with a knife and good at calling for help. We also proved that it is a good idea not to be stoned while in these types of crisis situations. Had Liz and I been stoned last nite, we may have just hid in the pantry closet until someone got home, and that would have been stupid and Rob never would have gotten his pizza.